So it is in the seventh episode that Rory receives one of her big firsts: her first kiss. For a teenage girl, it was perfect. It was completely planted on her by Dean spontaneously. And as we all did when we received our first kiss, Rory ran to tell her best friend Lane at her house (or the antique shop, whichever you prefer). The strict Mrs. Kim overhears Rory telling Lane blasphemous things like kissing boys and shoos Rory out of the house/store. Notice that when I said “she ran to her best friend,” I said Lane and not Lorelai. In fact, Rory dances around ever telling Lorelai that the kiss happened. So guess who Lorelai hears the news from? The one and only Mrs. Kim. Of course Lorelai feels hurt to be learning of her daughter’s first kiss through a third party.
But Rory was not keeping this from Lorelai to hurt her feelings, it was more because Rory didn’t know how to tell her. In the past I have found myself getting upset when I learn a friend didn’t tell me something major that happened to them (i.e: first kiss, sex, etc.). But then I have to put myself in their shoes. When it comes to our sexuality, it is an awkward thing to talk about —to anyone. I have a hard time admitting to my friends that I drunkenly kissed a boy at a frat party, not to mention if I actually have feelings about a guy.
So how can I be upset when my friends are not so different from me? We have to learn to not take things personally if our friends (again, or daughters) do not immediately confide in us things about their love life. It is their love life, and we just occasionally get the privilege of hearing about it now and then. And 9 times out of ten, they’ll eventually talk about it with you.
And in TV land, Rory and Lorelai eventually talk about the first kiss, and it turns out to not be so awkward at all. How’s that for a happy ending : )
You’ll notice that I skipped episode five, but it’s because I will be talking about that theme later on in the season when it is more prominent.
Rory celebrates her birthday in the sixth episode of the first season. Lorelai has a big party planned with all of the quirky people of Stars Hallow for her Rory. Not to be outdone, Emily insists that Rory will have a birthday cocktail party at the Gilmore’s with all of Emily and Richards friends…and all of Rory’s classmates (whom she is not friends with) from Chilton. When Rory learns that her grandmother has invited her classmates she is mortified, to which Emily completely disregards. This perplexes Rory because Emily had been making an effort to get to know Lorelai and Rory better. Lorelai can tell that something is wrong with Rory, but when Rory doesn’t admit to anything, Lorelai drops it. Needless to say, this all leads to an outburst by Rory at the party from feeling embarrassed and as if it isn’t her party at all.
So I am not about to go off on Lorelai for not pushing why Rory seemed upset. But it does bring up something important: sometimes it pays to be more perceptive of our friends’ (or daughter, in this case) feelings. When we are close enough to someone, we are perceptive their feelings; the good and the bad ones. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable to push them on the bad feelings, but sometimes it is necessary. Rory didn’t tell Lorelai that she was upset because she didn’t want Lorelai to be upset. Our friends (and we’re guilty, too) do the same thing. But we aren’t stupid. We see it when they are down. Most of the time they will not want to put the burden on you, but what they (and we) don’t realize in the moment is that it really is not a burden. Be a venting post for your friends, and they’ll do the same for you.
Had Rory gotten off her chest what was really upsetting her, we probably would not have seen the big blow-up that we did.
But that wouldn’t make good TV, would it? ;-)